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She quotes men such as John, 26, who says, “Sex has become so easy.
I can go on my phone right now, and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight.” She quotes women such as Amanda, who says, “There is no dating.
Perhaps it’s just my ego talking again, but I know I can be better. I’m sure that some of them—and some who read about them—concede that, unfortunately, this is just the way it is and will be.
Or, at the very least, they don’t have the slightest idea how to change.
And if ever I find my dating life in shambles, it’s because I picked up my phone and started swiping—not to find myself a woman to love but because I felt bored or lonely or worse.
These apps might be the vehicles, but I’m the driver.
Conversely, I have to give those I might call “relationship-quality” legitimate consideration before moving on to the next opportunity.
And I have to avoid physical intimacy if its purpose is merely scratching an itch or filling a void as opposed to genuinely expressing affection.
But I think that there are people who, like me, know that it doesn’t have to be that way—people who know what it takes to date with a purpose. But for me that means showing more respect to the women I come across, whether it be at the farmers market, in a downtown cocktail lounge, or on the latest greatest dating app.
I don’t think enough of her or of myself to decline an invitation to nothing more than one night.
My desire for a real relationship with someone is overruled by my sex drive. The fact is, if I want the dating landscape to improve—hell, if I want my own life to improve—I ought to look in that mirror of mine and decide it’s time to change.
“Hookup culture, which has been percolating for about a hundred years, has collided with dating apps, which have acted like a wayward meteor on the now dinosaur-like rituals of courtship,” Nancy Jo Sales explains in her recent article entitled “Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse.’” I don’t know about you, but for me, following the travails of the modern dating scene in Sales’ exposé was a bit like driving past a car crash; I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.
In her much-hyped article, Sales, like a fly on the wall, offers a firsthand account of what dating—if you could even call it that—has become thanks to technology and especially Tinder.
When I choose to engage in that world, I’m letting myself behave a certain way.