Single mothers by choice and dating
When you get trampled, really trampled as I did in my marriage, it is not high on your to‑do list to throw your heart into the center of U. When you let go of the need, the need lets go of you. I regularly patted myself on the back for slowly falling — it was more like tipping or leaning — in love with a man who was kind, sensible, methodical, calm and everything else my former husband was not. Nothing traumatic happened, it was just over; his choice.I loved him for who he was, but mostly for who he was not. I liked being able to relinquish control, even if just in the restaurant ordering wine. But here is the thing, and here is what so many men miss: Women who are charged with doing it all — women like me who care for children and sometimes elderly parents and homes and careers — sometimes we want to do one less thing.Sure, some men were polite, attractive and intelligent, but for years no sparks flew in my direction and no one was ever all that funny, interesting or a better option than a hot bath, rented movie or a stack of new magazines.The boys didn’t need any more surprises from a parent.The idea of being close emotionally or physically with someone — anyone — was far too unsettling.
We can pretend well enough in our lace dress with the Spanx underneath on a Saturday night to be sexy and carefree at the Brazilian restaurant that doesn’t get moving until 11 or so, but it will be Sunday soon when we will have to go to Target to buy deodorant and peanut butter and poster boards. Being in demand at work and home is not an aggressive act on my part. If it upsets you that much that I cannot sit in your den watching CSI every night, please go to the grocery store for ground sirloin, milk and hamburger buns, and I will have an extra hour to spend with you and give you my full attention. I can never stop being a mother of three sons, because that is who I am.
I can put my cell phone on silent while we slow dance in the den, but I cannot turn it off.
Not on the anniversary of our first date, and especially not on New Year’s Eve.
I do not want someone who is waiting for my ambition to subside and my children to get away from me.
It is not that I do not know how to relax, but that I never want to be great at relaxing.
I was predictable; I didn’t bring home any threats to their homeland security. It was easier to go to bed early, wake up early and get on with my day.